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THE WHEEL OF CONSENT

Created by Dr. Betty Martin, it is a model of consent based on, but not requiring, exchanges of touch. The Wheel notes the distinction between the ‘doing’ aspect of the touch dynamic — who is doing — and the ‘gift’ aspect — who it is for.


Once the distinction between those two aspects is clear, the entire touch dynamic becomes clear, which brings ease, sensuality, confidence, self-responsibility and freedom to the interaction.


When the dynamics are clear, it becomes apparent how they apply to both touch and non-touch dynamics. Indeed, the application to non-touch dynamics may be of greater import.

The four kinds of touch and relating within clear agreements:

  • Taking for your own pleasure – you do what you want – while respecting the giver’s boundaries;

  • Allowing another to take from you – they do what they want with your permission – while maintaining your boundaries;

  • Serving another for their pleasure – you do what they want – within your boundaries; and

  • Accepting the gift of another’s service – they do what you want – while maintaining their boundaries.
     

Unless you take apart and experience each of these four aspects, it is impossible to know what they really are.
 

Understanding and embodying the Wheel of Consent happens best through a somatic experience – to feel it in your skin. So, learning the Wheel happens through touch exercises.

Donal's works is influenced and inspired by the Wheel of Consent® as developed by Dr. Betty Martin. He has trained with the School of Consent, but is not yet a certified facilitator.

 

To find out more, visit www.bettymartin.org   and www.schoolofconsent.org

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